I feel unfortunate about many things in my life . I really do. I have made so many mistakes

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How foolish can one be to have a wrong notion about their own self? I realized i was a fool for a long time. I am stubborn yet naive. Strong yet actually vulnerable, clear yet confused and confident yet extremely self deprecating .

It took me a long time to understand that I was not even loving my own self. I would take on me the mistakes that I have not committed , go on a guilt trip for every thing that goes wrong. Everyone was right but me. In short, I saw myself as a loser. An utter failure.

I started looking for acceptance from everyone because I was not willing to appreciate my own self.

Then some sense dawned upon me. I realized it is about time I acknowledged the fact that I have been a person doing anything I do with the best intent to everyone, with utmost sincerity and to the best of my conscience. I am multi talented, use my grey cells fairly well, I can’t lie much, I cant distort truth, I can’t manipulate with extremely dangerous selfish motives, can’t do so many harmful things like many people around.

Despite failures , I have survived because of some very good people who have constantly been in my life or come into my life as disguised angels. When I can’t respect myself, they show me what it is to be respected, when I can’t value myself enough, they show me what it is to be valued , when I can’t see the good in me, they show me a fantastic virtual presentation of what all I am good at..

I am convinced that  I am not bad at all. I deserve to be respected for what I am . I also have learnt to respect my own self. The grace of God is not visible in the way I want it but I know I have some people in my life who need me and want me to be happy.

My parents , my grand parents, my sister and my very few friends, a job to keep me safe and occupied and that’s all. I have what I need. God has been extremely kind to me despite my shortcomings. I can’t ask for more.

That saving grace is what I have earned for what I am.

If anyone reading this post can associate your life with it,  remember

You are not alone. 

-Anya

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