I feel unfortunate about many things in my life . I really do. I have made so many mistakes

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How foolish can one be to have a wrong notion about their own self? I realized i was a fool for a long time. I am stubborn yet naive. Strong yet actually vulnerable, clear yet confused and confident yet extremely self deprecating .

It took me a long time to understand that I was not even loving my own self. I would take on me the mistakes that I have not committed , go on a guilt trip for every thing that goes wrong. Everyone was right but me. In short, I saw myself as a loser. An utter failure.

I started looking for acceptance from everyone because I was not willing to appreciate my own self.

Then some sense dawned upon me. I realized it is about time I acknowledged the fact that I have been a person doing anything I do with the best intent to everyone, with utmost sincerity and to the best of my conscience. I am multi talented, use my grey cells fairly well, I can’t lie much, I cant distort truth, I can’t manipulate with extremely dangerous selfish motives, can’t do so many harmful things like many people around.

Despite failures , I have survived because of some very good people who have constantly been in my life or come into my life as disguised angels. When I can’t respect myself, they show me what it is to be respected, when I can’t value myself enough, they show me what it is to be valued , when I can’t see the good in me, they show me a fantastic virtual presentation of what all I am good at..

I am convinced that  I am not bad at all. I deserve to be respected for what I am . I also have learnt to respect my own self. The grace of God is not visible in the way I want it but I know I have some people in my life who need me and want me to be happy.

My parents , my grand parents, my sister and my very few friends, a job to keep me safe and occupied and that’s all. I have what I need. God has been extremely kind to me despite my shortcomings. I can’t ask for more.

That saving grace is what I have earned for what I am.

If anyone reading this post can associate your life with it,  remember

You are not alone. 

-Anya

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One thought on “You are worth more than a million dollars

  1. Interesting write-up. It will be helpful if you can shed more light on the why!

    Why would you not like yourself?
    Why low self esteem?

    Any chance we get to learn about the objectivity?

    Like

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